A Galactic Traveller's Clipboard

Observations of the average galactic tourist.

Category Archives: Fauna

You may ward them off with simple tools like sticks and stones.

Many of Earth’s mammals display primitive, crude acts of dominance. Canis lupus familiaris–for example–attempt to copulate a variety of living and non-living objects in a misguided attempt to assert themselves as the superior. This quite specific–and bizarre–behaviour can be found across the more advanced lifeforms of this young planet, included the self-proclaimed only ‘sentient’ animals: Homo sapiens.


Now, what of Canidae?


The author displays intelligence beyond his specie.

2+3 = Cats. GENIUS!

Odd they cannot feel within themselves.

Some individuals among Homo sapiens are obsessed with being clean, sterile and germ/ bacteria-free. I find much amusement in enlightening or reminding them that within almost every human body, a plethora of bacteria and parasitic lifeforms exist and thrive.

Small is large.

Overheard a Homo sapiens conveying that it would be ‘much better if insects just vanished’. Unless the swift collapse of the local food chain is a advantage in some way, I cannot agree.

Take-offs are hazardous too.

Feral Columba livia–though deceptively adorable–are highly explosive and volatile to dyruminitus-based lifeforms. Never under any circumstance allow yourself to be caught beneath one in flight or while nesting in high places.

The round face and slow gait are vicious lies.

I might have found something as formidable as a gregafich on the planet Earth: female Ursus arctos horribilis with cubs.

Unfortunately the ominous scientific name only became known to me after the attack and proper research. ‘Grizzly bear’ seemed harmless enough initially.

Much time will be spent reconstituting my face.

Do not whip out your triple sonic ray guns.

The Canidae family is a relatively harmless group of animals on Earth, compared to the similar-looking–but disproportionately terrifying–gregafich of Fjuptarinus. Within the Canidae, one specie has been domesticated by Homo sapiens into an even less dangerous bunch, the Canis lupus familiaris (commonly addressed simply as ‘dogs’).

Tourists to Earth should resist all temptation to exterminate ‘dogs’. In many Homo sapiens social groups, it is taboo to inflict any harm upon them. Unlike the infamous gregafich, dogs serve as companions and work animals to Homo sapiens, and do not commonly prey on anything moving regardless the size. Dogs are also non-venomous. Despite the tendency of many interstellar travellers to panic and flee at the sight of numerous dogs or any Canidae on Earth, one can simply pass off the reaction as a ‘fear of dogs’ should it attract any unwanted attention.

Again, the Canidae is not related to gregafich. Their similarity in physical appearance is likely the unfortunate result of convergent evolution. Although yes, it is hard to imagine how Canidae family came out looking the same as distant lifeforms that had to hop between planets and turn so savage just to survive.

The only Canidae specie that will likely prey on a tourist are the Canis lupus–the ancestor of the dog. They hunt in groups to take down prey larger than themselves in heavily forested regions of the northern hemisphere. Still, these animals are simple to defend oneself against (unlike the gregafich) and may be dispatched easily with any small to medium blast shocker set to stun.

This certainly is not mutualism.

Why Specimen6427 co-exists with a Felis catus is a mystery. Most of the time, any attempt to make contact with this ‘companion’ Felis catus individual results in Specimen6427 getting mauled in quite remarkable ways.

Last I checked, Homo sapiens come with a mostly-functional nervous system. So the reason Specimen6427 can overlook all the blood shed and physical pain truly puzzles me.

Wash, crack, heat.

One of the delicacies of Earth–should any other far-flung intergalactic traveller find itself there–are the eggs of the local ‘birds’.

‘Birds’ are a large group of odd varied creatures that are covered in complex evolved hair. Most of these creatures are capable of controlled flight, making them a decent challenge to obtain by oneself. However, Homo sapiens domesticate these birds for meat, their strange hair and eggs.

On their own, the wet contents of eggs are richly nutritious and flavourful. Homo sapiens prefer to cook this in general, and I find this version far more palatable to eggs from other planets thus far.

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